I won’t lie; I’m shallow. One of the first things that attracted me to my future husband was his beard. There’s just something about a beard that demands my attention. And, wow, my husband has a nice beard. I was hooked. Over the course of our relationship, I have learned a lot from being with a man and his beard. I thought I would share a little of what I have learned and the great highs and lows of my beard love.
Here they are: 5 Pros and Cons Of Loving a Bearded Man
1. PRO: MANLY
We’ve all seen it – the results of December 1st. All November we’ve been impressed by the men that have blossomed right in front of our eyes, and then, overnight they become baby-faced strangers. I am a strong proponent of No Shave November simply because I enjoy watching men grow beards for amusement’s sake and, of course, for attractiveness’ sake. Beards are just manly. It’s a fact.
However, on the dark side of manly is beastly. A beard, when un-groomed, can cross the line from hottie to caveman in a blink of an eye. It’s true that Beauty and the Beast was my favorite movie as a child. And, maybe, marrying a heavily bearded man was just some strange way for me to live out my fairytale. But, the whole neard (neck-beard) thing? I can do without that. Tame that mane!
2. PRO: LOOKS GREAT
I can’t tell you how many compliments my husband gets on his beard. Given, we do live in China, so I think most men might just be jealous that he can actually grow one. But, if you ask me, it has a serious attractiveness factor all over the world.
CON: DOESN’T FEEL GREAT
All that being said, it’s the pokiest, scratchiest animal in the whole wide world sometimes. Going in for a kiss is practically as dangerous as hugging a porcupine if the beard hasn’t been managed that day. While, somedays may not be so scratchy, I think we can all agree that there’s no mink fur on that face.
3. PRO: SCARES AWAY THE BAD GUYS
Here’s a secret: my husband has superpowers. And by that, I mean, his beard is the equivalent of the Green Lantern’s ring. It works as a force field, preventing any evil from making its way towards me. I don’t think I’ve ever been worried about my personal safety since marrying the beard. It’s a great feeling.
CON: SCARES AWAY SMALL CHILDREN
Unfortunately, that same superpower is also his greatest weaknesses. When it comes to babies, they often take one look at his face and start crying. Sometimes, the woman holding the baby will turn to me and say, “I’m sorry. My baby is scared of big men with beards.” It is also not uncommon, to see a child run by, stop dead in their tracks, stare at the beard in a terrified trance, and then run back home. I often want to yell after the child, “It’s okay! He’s friendly!!”
4. PRO: TRENDY MCTRENDERSON
The beard is, for some reason or another, the height of men’s fashion right now. I mean, they even sell knitted beards for children to wear during the winter. This is no joke. It works out in my favor though. Throw some frames and a flannel shirt on my man and he’s practically in Mumford & Sons. Winning. It wouldn’t hurt if he could play the mandolin too. But, we can work on that.
CON: CREEPY MCCREEPERSON
Of course, you have to take into account the bearded man’s personality. My husband, for instance, isn’t always attempting to be your deep, soulful Mumford. Some days, he chooses to look like an evil villain by curling the ends of his mustache up and pointing his soul-patch straight out from his chin. It’s just…terrific.
5. PRO: IT’S AN ATTRACTION
If you are not terrified of the beard, then you are magnetically drawn to the beard. Our students are fascinated by the way my husband’s beard takes up half his face. Sometimes, I think they are tempted to reach out and touch it. Whenever I talk about my husband in class, I almost always see some boy in the back of the room light up and say, “BEARD!” Yes, student, beard. At least I know I’ve taught one English word so far this year.
CON: IT’S A DISTRACTION
However, if those same students become too close in proximity to the beard, there is trouble. One tutoring session, my husband was instructing his students to write down notes about an issue they would be presenting. Silence fell upon the class as they began to write, while my husband looked over his notes. From the back of the class, I noticed one girl, in the front, not writing at all. Instead, she was just staring at my husband. After a few minutes, he looked up and noticed her gawking.
“Mary, what are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Jacobsen. I was just distracted by your big beard,” she answered matter-of-factly.
“What? Oh…okay. Do your work.”
“Yes, Mr. Jacobsen.”
It’s a rough life, being a student of the Beard.
Overall, I believe the pros greatly outweigh the cons, but that is up to you to decide. I am a full beard supporter even if that means being attacked by a porcupine every now and again.
What pros and cons have you found while loving a bearded man? Leave a comment below.